Today’s Sunday Special I thought about things; it made me think about turning to God or to the church, I know that I can turn to Caspian as he’s been a life saver and someone who I could trust. However can I turn to god; what can I trust religion side of things, even growing up in a Christian family but it’s a lot more in trusting to turn to faith than someone that you love. That’s just my opinion of how I think and feel about things; of who to trust and not to trust, that’s where I maybe its my anxious and depression kicked in.
Past week I had felt the lowest of the low; stressed out, depressed and anxious. Which by the end of the week with the things; I ended up feeling ill emotionally, headache’s, another with health had started to kick in and everything else had started to kick in. To the point of not being able to cope; the initial fear of people coming too close to my liking in my bubble, when I’m in that state of mind that I couldn’t cope with more symptoms kicking in.
The question is when is it the time to say enough is enough; is it when you know when your ready for time is right?, when are you going to next fall?, who is going to catch me if I did fall?. The whole flight and fight mode had started or would started to kick in.
Caspian has been my been my awesome rock; he be there when I needed him the most, I know that he’s not going to abounded what so ever. He also when I know that he’s the one trying to help me; be the supportive, caring and everything else. I know I can trust him more and more; trying to find ways to be together is harder than we thought, until I say something out of the ordering and we both know how stupid the whole situation is at the time.
That’s how a true friendship or relationship goes because you know when you get that close to someone; you love them to bits, along side with the whole I trust you along the way. Yes I can be like I’m backing out at times but he knows how insecure I am; how I haven’t got much believe in myself nor the courage to ask things, in case of being rejected in one way or another.
When things come back to me; he knows as soon as I start flipping out on him, he reminds me that he’s not going anywhere, not going to give up on me along with the three words of I love you. It gives me that sign of encouragement that I’m not going to give up on myself; I have my knight in shinning armer ready to come and save me no matter what it’s wrong, knowing I have him by myself. That’s when I know enough is enough for me to keep fighting and fighting him. Meaning that I trust him more than previous relationships I had in the past; he is such a nice guy all round, I wouldn’t give up on him either if he had his moments.
You basically know how to fight things if you know; you have that person to fight things with, no matter how tough it is to begin with but at the end of the day you know you have that one person being dependent on and visa.