What bothers me on this late hour of Thursday (19.7.18) is that no matter what I do whether it’s my blogging on my daily lifestyle I generally feel like I’m not working hard enough. I know it’s all in my head but it bothers me the point of wanting to give up on everything. I was talking to my friend earlier about this they said I shouldn’t because I’m strong enough person to carry on doing what I love doing; it’s also end of term, along with you just started your new medication as well so your going to be pretty much rubbish for awhile.
To be honest she’s right just tying with last nights Wednesday Evening Post at 8 last night (18.7.18) the one with is crying a sign of weakness or that you been strong for so long that post. If you haven’t read it go on go and read it; it will all make sense to you and this one, or you make sense of this one without reading the other one. Either which read it anyways because it’s awesome.
I really do sometimes feel really unappreciated monjority of the time in what I do no matter what; I’m generally saying this as a whole where I do so much for a lot of people, no matter where I go and what I do I get the impression that I’m not good enough.
One thing that got to me yesterday doing my job (18.7.18) that I got given a present from a child and their parents because they really appreciated of me looking after their child for so long whilst the original person that they normally was off sick. Plus their child keeps on requesting after me and loves the fact that they see them laughing and being happy seeing me in the mornings.
Yeah that’s a good thing for me because I like to have a impact on a child’s life and make them happy. It distracts me a lot even if I have to play nursery rhymes on which currently sends me to sleep which isn’t good. So I’m trying to fight it off every time but at least I don’t have to sing them because I would be making them up as I go along to which I normally do in the first place. Good old internet when you need it at the best of times.
This probably sounds like I’m a needy person but I’m not it’s down to determination and want to succeed well at the end of the day. Yet I never get a chance to succeed in life where I want to do things that I want to do because there’s always something holding me back or things happen that get me into trouble. The fact that I don’t care but other people do care at the end of the day and I don’t think about it but it bothers me when people say you can’t do this, you can’t do that and so on.
Then what am I suppose to do go and jump off a cliff or something if someone told me to do that? Sorry… I won’t even do that because I’m scared of heights anyway so that’s bad luck for anyone else who tells me to go and do it. Sorry this kind of turned into a rant.