Everyday Online Diary Story

Friday Online Diary Story: “Just shut your mouth” the thoughts are there.

Right now I’m in a state of mind where I want to be like all the time; finally happy with my life because I haven’t got tears that can be left behind to cry about, I’m picking it up where I left off loving life and living to the full as I can turn it up so loud that you won’t realise what has hit you. 

You’ll find out that in this empty land just you and me; to which you notice that I have no tears left inside me, it looks like I ran out of tears and the pain has stopped from hurting. Guess what? I like it, I like it and doesn’t matter how, what, when or who tries to take me down now I know that it’s just you and me out here no where to run or hide or lie or spread rumours about me. 

Soon it will come out in the end. Even when it’s raining down you can’t stop the actual rumours from coming out; you’ll soon know when it will happen, so the best bit is to shut your mouth and if you don’t. You will know it then now you know what it feels like to have everyone hating on you. 

You just want to come with me like we are on another mentality planet; we aren’t the same because I have no tears left to cry, I’m just picking up my own pieces as I have the person who I want to be with and I’m loving it, I’m living it and I’m finally picking up my life once again. 

Allrightsresereved and copyrights belong to lizzysweeklyblogs and lizzyjohnson 

How to avoid them? – Why do narcissists people still try to control their exes? (Friends and ex boyfriends or girlfriends)

Everyday Topics

I’ve signed up to Quora just for a little bit of light reading if you could say that but it also given me some sort of ideas for blogs that I can talk about. Generally I do get stuck on theses types of things because it’s hard to constantly think and talk about. Narcissistic people kept up continuously for me on Quora I have witnessed and had first hand of it. Let me explain how a narcissistic person works.

I’ve noticed in life you will always come across people who think they are yours true love or your best friends but yet actually they aren’t at all. You always learn the hard way until your strong enough to stand on your own two feet to stand up to them and say “no”. Trust me I’ve been there quite a few times in my life and it’s horrible. I wasn’t strong enough at the time to stand up to them but now I’m wary I will stand up to them if I need to; always ask for help if I need to even if I’m afraid that I’ll be rejected the help, knowing who to trust and don’t trust at the end of the day. 

When you end a relationship with a narcissist weather it’s serious relationship or friendship; you will end up finding several things that will come up and happen to you, for starters 1. They will discard you without any benefit of a doubt and blame you for the things that aren’t true or breaking up because your the problem ie being controlling or being a bully and etc. You will know who has a real issue here  2. If you move on front the narcissist just be careful and be prepared for things that can turn very quickly. 3. Depending on what sort narcissist that your dealing with at the time can make all of the difference. This is because they will either try and gain other people’s trust making out that you’re a bad person, gang up on you and etc anyone would believe them and not you. Until one day everything will turn around and they will realise that they lost everything because you have moved on from them and they haven’t. Everything that they had gone bad to worse in space of a short time. 

Over the time of having the same thing happening to me or some similar along the lines. I’ve learnt that karma will happen to them at some point in their life because I’m not in their life anymore so they can’t get what they want from me. Yes they will try and get back into your life to take control of you because they will know your weaknesses however you’ll will have to play their game and stand up to them as best you can. Along with blocking them, changing your number and etc. 

Everyday Topics Since 2015

This is me

Everyday Story Based – Mental Health Issues Story

You think I’m a stranger to the dark but guess what I’m not a stranger to the dark. I great it like an old friend when they say “hide away because we don’t want your broken parts” I’ve learned to be ashamed of my scars even though it’s not my fault; I just want to run away, you could hear their voices in my head saying “no one will love you as you are” I won’t let them break me down to dust the things that they say because I know that there is a place for you and me. I know that we are glorious.

The sharpest words want to cut me down but I’m going to send a flood of rain to drown them out. I am a lot braver than you think no matter how bruised I am; I know who I am meant to be because this is me, so you better look out here I come and I’m marching on through life life to the sound of the beat of the drum. I’m not scared to be seen or what I have to look like or dressed. I make no apologies this is me. 

Another round of bullets hits my skin so fire away because today I won’t let the same shame sink; we are going to burst through the barricades and reaching the sun. I am so are you warriors. Another round of bullets that hits my skin leaving more marks where it use to leave mark; as they continue to fire away because today I won’t let the shame sink in, I will be bursting through the barricades and reaching for the sun I know that I’m a warrior. That’s what I’ve become I know that I won’t let them break me down to dust. I know that there’s a place for me in this world as I know that I’m glorious.

This is me and I know that I deserve your love and there’s nothing I’m not worthy of when there are sharpest words that want to cut me down. I’m going to send a flood that will make them drown them out. This is brave this is bruised because this is who I’m meant to be this is me. Look out because here I come I’m marching on to the beat I drum because I’m not scared to be seen; I make no apologies for who I am and this is me. 

Everyday Topics – Why take a life?: From terrorism to knife attacks

In less of a week or more you hear in the news that you get packages been sent or left in main hubs like Waterloo Station, airports and now aiming for universities. In the midst of all of this is at least 2-3 people get killed by knife crime; someone in a local school in my home town thinks it’s cleaver to stab another peer in the back with a pair of scissors, what is going on in this society of today?
Why is it okay to carry dangerous things? Is it for protection? Peer pressure? Gang related? All of these things need to be answered. Let me ask you few things and few things alone to get you thinking. Is it okay for taking someone’s life for no reason at all? Is it okay to start unprovoked attacks just to prove to people and get into the wrong crowd?
Last one of the questions that I would like to put forward to you. Is it okay to rob/steal and breaking into a 50 year old church that’s served/severs the community and welcome everyone through its doors. To be able to have it been breaking into by someone drinking and stealing knives. Not any sort of knives but sharp knives!
Yet with all of this Britexit and all of the cut backs to save money by taking services that we need more off so that politicians can just line their pockets goes to show that they don’t care about other people or the whole country. Except one politician one year when Westminster was under attack two years ago and an ex-army he went to try to rescue the police officer who sacrificed his life.

Everyday Post: Mental Health Issues – Sober (Revisit – Story Based)

There was nights when the wind was so cold making me feel it to the bone and there was days where the sun could be so cruel; I knew my tears were starting to dry up forever, I knew the day that you left I had finished because I had banished every memory that we had together and now it’s all coming back to me. Yes it’s all it was a very long time ago but I’ve got no excuses for of these goodbyes; call me when it’s over because I’m dying inside, wake me up once the shakes have gone along with the cold sweats have disappeared. Please call me when it’s over and I just have my old self that we both knew will reappear.

I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know why I do it every time because sometimes I just want to cave in; I’m tired of fighting for my life especially what’s left of me, I try and I try but I just wish you were here to hold me. I’m so lonely.

Mum I’m so sorry I’m not sober anymore, daddy please forgive me for all the drinks that I’ve spilled on the floor and to the ones who really never left me we all know that we’ve been down this road once before. I’m so sorry that I’m not sober anymore.

I’m sorry to my future love the man that’s stuck by my side every step of the way; loving me, saving me from me and from the inside my head. I’m sorry for all the people who tried to help me and watch me fall again; I just want to be a role model yet I’m being judged by people who think it’s okay to do so, talk about lies that they really don’t know what’s going on in my life. I’m only human like everybody else.

I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know why I do it every time at the best of times I don’t know what’s causing it. It’s only when I’m lonely and tired of fighting with my head. Sometimes I just want to run away to a cave so no one can find me; I can just let myself cave inside myself because I just don’t want to fight anymore. I try and I try to hold on but just hold me. I’m lonely.

Mum, I’m so sorry that I’m not sober anymore and daddy please forgive me for the drinks that I have spilled on the floor. To the ones who really never left me, we’ve been down this road before and I’m so sorry that I’m not sober anymore.

I’m not sober anymore. I’m sorry that I’m back here again. I promise that I’ll get help. It really wasn’t my intention to get back into this place. I’m even sorry to myself.

Everyday Topics – Romance – For the love of Valentine’s Day

I decided that this year I’ll do a bit of research into Valentines’s Day to understand where and how it came about. The more I look into it from Wikipedia to History Documentaries on the good old internet. To be perfectly honest with you it’s quite confusing if you ask me more so than before and how it began lots of different stories behind it all.

The first one that I found was around 5th century Valentine’s Day was named after a Christian Martyr to which has its origins of Roman Holiday Lupercalia. To which carried on for centuries where people exchange cards, sweets or flowers for someone who is their “valentine”.

Second point that I have found about St. Valentine’s Day is that in 1929 there was a massacre that happened in North Clark Street in Chicago where four men had dressed as police officers entering the gangster Bugs Moran’s headquarters. They had lined seven of Moran’s henchmen against a wall and shot them to death. However it’s now believe to be called St Valentine’s day Massacre; the reason for it is because there’s two gangs who are at war with each other, the arch rivals are called “Al Capone” and “Bugs Moran”.

I could go on for hours giving you lots of points about where it originated from but at the end of the day lots of people tell you different things. Valentine’s Day for me it’s like a normal everyday thing for me you tell someone that you love them everyday and etc. Partly what’s put me off is where people just spoil each other rotten for the day; show them how much they appreciate each other, and everything. I don’t know maybe it’s just me being different and don’t understand it; yet due to being in a new relationship, it was a whole new territory for me because I’m not use to it and I’m going in open minded and I’m not one of those sorts of people who likes to be spoilt rotten or anything. Little things that are cute and meaningful to me that I’ll treasure a lot. That means a lot too me and shows that I’ve play apart in someone’s life who cherish my love, support, caring and etc. All I’m saying is little things that you do for people everyday and they appreciate what you do.

New year blog – January 2019

What’s new in January 2019?

January 2019 has kicked off with an okay start of the year for me where I have started to go on walks that I’ve never been before or any of the sort. That’s because I’ve been given a pair of walking shoes for my birthday by someone very close to me; so I’ve been walking practically everywhere since I’ve got them but that’s just for me and them at the end of the day, hopefully I can get a bit fitter than I normally am.

I’m becoming more and more comfortable with myself in away that I know I’m doing okay and not letting myself fall back into the place where I was before for personal reasons I cannot say. I’ve becoming more active by doing lots of walking to which I have someone special in my life to courage me to keep going even if I’m struggling to carry on.

Lots of things that I had never thought I wouldn’t of dream to of doing but I’m doing them because I got someone positive in my life to get me through it all. From facing my fears of things to doing something out of my comfort zones knowing that I’m feeling safe. I hope I can progress more and more over the next year with it all knowing that I can do things and get myself more confident in things.

Christmas Blogs 18 – Whats going to be different this year?

This year is going to be different and very strange due to lot has happened over the past year since the last Christmas. To be honest nobody really expected things would change so dramatically to one family to the next; however you just going to have to make do, along with some changes for the sake for yourselves and people around you. 

I can speak out for myself on this as well this is because at the start of the year I lost someone close and they were apart of my family; now that they not here anymore it’s going to be hard especially for the family member who’s blood relative it was, few months later someone else I know looses a family member and that’s hard as well. 

Not only this that is different we have kittens to consider about because some people don’t like cats so we will have to think about how we can change what we have to do or work around it. Plus we not sure how a few family members would react in the afternoon but everything is up in the air. 

Also in a long run we don’t even know what the kittens will get up to with Christmas Tree. As it’s our first time having them and it’s their first time seeing a Christmas tree being up. I think I’ll have to change where we will probably take it down before my birthday but that’s depending on how well the kittens cope with Christmas tree. So watch out for more Christmas Blogs and over in the other blog on followthefootprintsinthepages.wordpress.com there are going to be Christmas blogs stories where you’ll find the kittens first christmas stories as well. 

Remember the fallen – Armistice Day – 100 Years since World War 1 ended 1918-2018 (Bring him home)

100 years today since World War 1 has ended. So many men lost their lives in that war; no one really knew the outcome of it all, nor what to expect and most importantly men across Britain were urge to fight. However all these attacks on ordinary people only stirred up hatred against the enemy to which encourage more British men to volunteer and fight for their country. By 1917 there were 3.5 million men out on the front line however going back a year in 1916 a conscription came in; meaning a rule that ALL healthy men age 18-41 had to fight.

“God on a high please hear my prayer I’m in need of your strength and guidance. You have always been there for me” one wife cried as she watched her husband leave the town.

“He is young, he’s afraid please let him rest. Heaven blessed up above take him home to be looked after by the other nurses” one nurse nursing a frightened 18 year old with wounds, cuts and not being able to see.

“He’s my son that I’ve known all his life. God had granted me a son but now the summer has started to die one by one each year of this war. One by one they soon fly on and on. As I am getting old with worry I will be gone” one mother once said

“Bring him peace. Bring him joy. He is just a young man after all. He’s only a boy” cried a village vicar

“You can take my me away from my family but not my son. You can give the life to the war but let my son be. Let my son live. I sworn to my wife I’ll bring him home at the same time as me” a father once said.

Over thousands of sons, brothers, boyfriends, fiancés and husbands never returned home. Just want to say “thank you for giving your lives for us to have a better future” I have visited the trenches in Belgium and the War Cemetery in France years ago you could feel, see and what it must be like back then. I also paid my respects to the fallen soldiers.


Daily Post – Mental Health Issues – Hardest Challenge I had to face so far

I do have to confess I haven’t done one of these in awhile but I wanted to share with you the most difficult challenge I had to face. I had manage to take on my ex few years ago now when I knew back then enough is enough living in the fear of him and people around him. That was a massive relief and at peace in what I needed to do then for enable me to move on with my life not having to be constantly living in fear. 

Years gone by and more things came up that replaced it. However this week (22.10.18 – 26.10.18) plus both weekends on either side of the half term in the England that is not sure about the rest of the country (Scotland, Northern Ireland and Wales) however this week I have to say was or has been the most hardest week  for myself where I set myself a challenge not take it out on someone that I care and love the most who’s been there for me a lot recently. They went away on the Saturday for the week; no matter how many times they tried to tell me how much they loved me, missed me and etc. I had finally crashed a bit last night (24.10.18) where my head has started to clear; I became quite anxious because I didn’t know what this was or what was happening, yet they understood that I wasn’t use to the whole positive and someone permanently being there in my life. Not saying my other closet friends haven’t tried or anything they have and still are. 

This person makes me happy and feel relax. This week has been quite a emotional week due to the fact that obviously they are away and be back on Friday but also Monday my anxiety has been so high due to the fact that the kittens had an operation and it set off my past of going to the vets at between 5-7 year old loosing my best friend “Charlie” the budge. I just couldn’t live with myself if the kittens had passed away as well even though it was just moving something before they were let outside. 

So facing two hardest challenges this week has probably finished me off completely now. However I’m not letting it take control of me no matter how I’m feeling right now because at the end of the day I know I’ve achieved something which is a positive than a negative. Now that I’ve calmed down a bit more than this morning because my friend messaged me I literally didn’t need to over think or have ago at him for no reason even though I knew and he told me that he couldn’t get much signal in the first place. That’s what bothers me the most that I know perfectly well that I’m being insecure and they aren’t a bad person either but he helps me out a lot even distracts my head when I start feeling anxious or start become low. 

Just one more day until they come home tomorrow and I get to see them over the weekend. I know that then I’ve done it. Achieved something that I thought I wouldn’t be able to do. Yes my anxiety and depression tried to kill me last night (24.10.18) and this morning (25.10.18) however I took control of it as much as I could because I didn’t want it control me and my happiness that I’ve had. It was bad enough already but I had the focus and the drive to change it and fight it as much as I could.