Monday Online Diary Entries: Fight for this love

Wether you believe this or not it’s up to you. I write stories for Online Diary Entries for the day sharing my emotions and etc on how I feel that day. I know the truth behind each one.

Terry I would never stop loving you even if you continue to think of the worse of me; when I know you to well but with the words that you say know isn’t true, too much of it can make you sick even when you’ve been good and the anxiety can be the curse. Just watching you going down this hard road knowing that I’m loosing you to the anxiety. Knowing too much can hurt you and I but is it better for worse? Or are we just sitting in reverse like we’re gong backwards? I know where we going but this idea driving fast can we slow down because I don’t want to crash again.

Just want to let you know that your not alone in this thing; there’s always a place in me that you can call home, whenever you feel like we’re growing apart we can just go back to the start. Anythig that’s worth having. Is more enough worth fighting for quitting is out of the question even when times get tough we got to fight for some more. I just want to fight for this love.

Now that everyday isn’t going to be no picnic. Love isn’t going to be a walk in park like we use to. All you can do is what we have the best for now. Don’t be afraid of the dark. Just keep fighting for me, like I’m fighting for you. I’m always going to love you and I know that you don’t mean those words.

You know I’m always helping you out no matter what in my own little way. I’ve never left your side for a second. Your the one that pushed me away not me. I’ve always been there taking the horrible words and everything else because I know it’s not you. Don’t loose me entirely don’t make rash decisions that you know that you’ll regret. Remember that I always love you.

Hustle and Bustle Advice of Blogging: Acknowledge who you are as a blogger?

You begin to wonder why I wanted to talk about this today. It’s because people are either just out there doing it for money or just want to do it for fun and it’s just a hobby. For me it’s just for fun and a hobby to be honest yeah it would be nice to get paid from it but that’s not who I am. Who what I’m about. I enjoy writing I use this blogging as a platform for me to write my stories and other interests that might prop up during the weeks.

To acknowledge who you are as a blogger you need to know what you want from it. You just need to remember of who you are and what your goals in life. You just need to learn to not be so big headed about everything because at the end of the day if you are going to be big headed about things; no one will read your blogs or any thing, they will know by the way you write or watch you from YouTube.

You just need to know the reality of what you actually want in the blog life. Like me I always want to become a writer but it’s taking me years to share my things and decide to take on blogging side things. Youtube wasn’t for me but writing was for me; so I decided to stick with writing because I acknowledge that writing is my strong point, not talking to the camera because I feel weird looking at myself on the camera.

That’s all I can really say about this topic because you have to find ways what suits you. What works and what doesn’t. It’s just learning about yourself along the way of what you want in life.

Sunday Online Diary Entries: Whole lotta history

Weather you believe this or not it’s your opinion and I respect that. I put my thoughts and feelings into theses stories for the Online Diary Entries wether it’s true or not.

I can’t talk I know that I got it the wrong way like I normally do; as I’m looking up to see what’s falling down, yeah I know I can’t talk because I’ve gone back the wrong way and what is the use in what I say? I can hear myself complain all the time so I’m going to do it again; I give myself the blame to so I can get back up again to get out of the rain.

Baby. I miss you like nobody could. So tell me is she really that beautiful? Each time she kisses you tell me are you imagining it’s me kissing you. Does she really love you like I never could? Or love you like I use to love you? Hold you tender and tell you everything is good? You know she would hurt you? Because I never could and does she hold you tight at night all night long? If not you know who’s the one for you. I’m talking about the whole lot of history; I can’t find a way to show you what you mean to me, I’ve all around when you miss me and the way you love me. I don’t know what to do. So baby could you tell me.

Hello, did you call me? I thought it didn’t matter that you’re now gone; and I know the end of the story but there’s nothing but a shadow where my heart shone. If I’m dammed if I do and dammed if I don’t. You cost me so much love that I decided to go I know when I’ve had enough so don’t tell me that I’m not alone because I’ve gave you enough chances tell me if you want to be with me.

Yet I keep on finding ways to show you how much you mean to me, how much I miss you and how much I love you. It just keeps me spinning me and constantly I know how much I love you. I know it might sound crazy but your voice still leaves me all funky with a smile on my face.

#throwbackthrusday Online Diary Entries: Swish Swish

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Wether if you believe this or not it’s your opinion but I know the truth. I like to share my emotions in my stories and my online diary entries stories.
They are led on to think that this woman is the one that can win the nation; but do they know what this woman is a fake she hasn’t won the nation at all, they are just strut about their well known is settling down but not with the right girl. They are only out to see him and that’s why I love Caspian so much because he knows who really loves. So what the fuck?
A tiger who doesn’t lose sleep and don’t need opinions from selfish and self centred people. So don’t bother coming for me because you know I can get you banned and arrested if you ever came near me. The fact that you don’t know me but I got you clocked you because you’re such a joker of leading people on no one actually likes you. You can kiss my wedding ring when me and Caspian get married believe it or not I’m sticking around for more than a minute get use to it.
Here comes the broom in the ballroom making that swish swish bish another dance with me and Caspian in the spot light; you can’t touch this because your game is so tiring and you should retire because an old coupon has expired and the karma doesn’t lie. I don’t keep receipts but my accountant does. They soon realise that your the fake one day; haven’t won the hearts of the nations like his brother and his wife, so get over the competition for the lime light and get out of the way. It’s not all about you at all because no one seems to care about you what so ever.

Wednesday Online Diary Entries: Confessions of beauty

Wether you believe this or not I don’t care it’s your opinion because I know the truth.

I’ve been sitting in the back seat with no chance of falling in love with someone nor hoping that I would believe that I was pretty enough for anyone. I even now that I have days that I don’t believe that I think I am. Yet the fact that it’s all in my head and knowing I’ve got amazing friends and really close friend you know him Caspian yes maybe we are going out. Yet I know that the amount of loving he gives me is more important than walking me home. What I mean by that no matter how much insecurities I have and etc he still loves me just the way I am.

I can’t deny the way my looks are even when I compare to other people but I know that I’m prettier than most other people who think they’ve got it all. I rather punch them or something because they are just full off themselves; when I discovered that I like who I am, why I am I thinking of the negative because it’s not sexy at all. Caspian always keeps knocking knocking at my door when I keep on being negative towards myself; as I open up not just him that came to my rescue he came a rush with calvery with Jp and Nemo, it’s like from the top to the bottom I’m that woman sunshine that he wants and he knows the reasons and so do them to never leave my side.

I always force myself to wear make up and everything like the picture in this blog post because I know how hard it is to get myself motivated and let the negativity towards myself take over. Yet this year I’m taking control of my life and know that I can do this. Believe in myself more than I should do.

Hustle and Bustle Advice: Why taking my blog slow this year?

As you have noticed that this is my first major blog post of the year; the reason why is I wanted to take it slow because I thought I can collect my thoughts on what topics I can come up with, also it’s only the new year on our third week and we got the rest of the year to contend with. I like having the time off every so often so that I can work on myself as well outside of the blogging world as well.

I’ve also been revisiting some of my old blogs that I’ve done in the past, rewriting them and reposting them along with Online Diaries for each day. Little things like that has helped me get back into what I want to write and I love the fact that you guys read my Online Diary Entries take it in what I write. I always like to give you a chance to have a opinion on things but knowing that I know the truth when I write them you give the respect back as well.

I love just the fact that you guys give me the chance of coming up with new ideas and still continue to read my old blogs as well. Some that I’ve forgotten all about as well; I’m like which one is that? I either look back at it or I don’t I’m like “oh yeah I remember that one” sorry this is short and sweet but this week it’s one of those days I can’t think what to write about.

Sunday Online Diary Entries: I’ll be there

Wether you believe this true or not it’s your opinion and no one else’s. I know the truth and that all matters to me.

I remember the day that you and I must make a pact; we must bring our salvation back where there the love is because I’ll be there standing right next to you, no matter what happens as I’ll reach my hand out to you and I’ll have my faith in all what you do as you know that I’ll be there.

I could hear you making your promises saying “I’ll be there to comfort you; build my world of dreams around you, I’m so glad that I found you and I’ll be there with a love that’s strong and I’ll be your strength when you can’t carrying on and I’ll keep holding on because I know your having a rough patch once in awhile. Yes I will. Let me fill your heart with and laughter; togetherness is all I’m after, I know you know that you want the same and whenever you need me I will be there. I will be there to protect you with unselfish love and I respect you just call my name and I’ll be there.”

Saturday Online Diary Entries: Ignorance

It’s up too you if you believe this or not. I know the truth and that’s all that matters.

If I’m a bad person then you don’t like me; well I guess that I’ll just make my own way, guess what at least I don’t have to ruin my career or my reputation to destroy someone’s life or love when me and Caspian have been together a lot and we get through a lot. It’s a circle I mean cycle because you never excite me; where is your gravel? Your jury? Because I don’t know what my offence this time? You’re not a judge but if your going to judge me have you looked at yourself?

Don’t want to hear or read about your how you care and in love with Caspian when your only want a title or something; you swear it’s all my fault because you know we’re not the same, the true friends that stuck with me and Caspain we wrote our names in blood but you can’t accept the change because it’s not you anymore. Guess what it’s not all about you. You treat me like a stranger well it’s nice to meet but I can’t wait to see the back of you.

Ignorance is your new best friend because that’s the best that could’ve happened; this is best thing that happened to me without Caspian I wouldn’t of made it, it’s not a war or a rapture. I’m just a person who understands Caspian and makes him happy and you can’t take it. The same tricks that once fooled me they won’t get you anywhere; I’m not that childish person that you are so take that away from your memory and now I’ve got people behind me to help me to fend myself. Pack your things and leave because I don’t want to see you no more.

Friday Time Recap Time – Friday Diary Online Entries: Break Free Of The Pain

Whatever you believe this or not it’s up to you. I know the truth that’s all that counts.

I told you when we first met that I had problems but you still loved me know matter what; if you want to help me and be with me take it, because I shouldn’t of said that you should of leave as the amount of times I pushed you away. I tried to hide it. I tried to fake it but I can’t pretend anymore; I only wanted to die alive because of my open wounds have now been opened, knowing that you’ve seen my vulnerability more by the hands of people in my past and I don’t want to hear about the person anymore.

Now that I’ve become who I really am because of you I’m now stronger than I’ve become who I really am; this is the part where I want to say “I want you more than ever” as this is the part where we both know I’m breaking free from my past, because I can’t resist it and can’t go back to it no more. Your better. Deeper inside me with hope and kindness like the highway of goodness.

You always had this little patience with me but I’m still hurting from all of the love that I had lost in the past; I can feel your frustration because all you want to do is stop all of my pain, you just want to hold me close and keep me safe in your arms tonight. Don’t be hard on my emotions because I need time as my heart feel so numb as I’m still healing. Please still have the little patience as I really want to start over again I know that your my salvation because your the one that I can always depend on.
I’m trying to be strong believe me it’s taken it out on me no matter how much anxiety I had to face believe me I’m trying to move on and take control. You know how complicated it is but your the only one that understands me. You can see the amount of scars that have been running so deep; it’s hard to believe that you have been fighting for me, it’s been long for you no matter how painful to see me go through so much and yet still continue to stay put no matter what I chuck at you. You always had that patient for me.

Yet I’m breaking free from all of the pain; finding my confidence once again, making me feeling strong and know when I’m weak. Your my everything as I’ve cried so many tears for you; it’s taken me lot to say but I’ve pushed my pride away to tell you that I love you so much, because what we got is worth fighting for and you are my everything.

Revisit Case….Annabel Inorin how her story began and how it en

(Don’t worry this isn’t a scam all of my information came from a good friend of mine)

Annabel Iron. Let me cast your minds back when I introduced you to her back in July/August 2017. I just wanted to refresh your memory why theses children need your help. At the time Annabel was 11 year old little girl; who looked like a normal little from Nigeria, she is a normal little girl but suffered from “Arrhythmias” yet she didn’t really have much of a life due to this horrible disease that effected her heart. She couldn’t do anything like any other child her age without fallen tired or become very sick. The fact that she was fighting it without any medical care or medication that could help her cope with it.

At the time of her being alive she didn’t have the right equipment or the right medication to be given the have a normal life. Annabel had to continue throughout the night and rely on the hand and foot by the hospital staff and her parents. Knowing that someone like Annabel who is suffering with “Arrhythmias” could pass away at anytime; due to the fact that they don’t have the right equipment and medical attention that they need throughout the day, to which they are missing out on having a normal life and not having to worry about her life wouldn’t be life threatening everyday but also to meet new people and be able to play with friends. However between 31st July – 6th August 2017 Annabel had passed away in her sleep with her family around her. The doctors and nurses tried everything to make her feel comfortable as much as possible but due to lack of equipment and medical care that they didn’t have at the time. Her tiny little 11 year old body couldn’t keep on fighting for much longer.
I have a huge respect for her family, her parents, her doctors and her nurses who have tried everything to help her feel comfortable and help her to be positive about everything. Even with all the odds were stacking up against them all. Trust me I’ve been working with special needs children from the age 21 until present still working with them.

I’ve seen first hand of children like Annabel coming and going with so many medical equipment that they need, medication that they need due to the health conditions. They are lucky in the U.K. that they have good health system that they depend on because you would never know each day to the next what will happen. The day I was told the news of Annabel passing it had truly hit home because I knew what it was like working with someone like Annabel.

All I can say is if you can find your heart to support a child who has a medical condition or a disability in the U.K. or your country; you can branch out a little to get some medical equipment and medication that they need in Nigeria, all I’m asking is to give a little amount that you can give by donating to this link below. That covers everything from the cases you read.

https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/rufflescarebear

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