Star Light Categories – Throwbackthursday – What bothers me?

What bothers me on this late hour of Thursday (19.7.18) is that no matter what I do whether it’s my blogging on my daily lifestyle I generally feel like I’m not working hard enough. I know it’s all in my head but it bothers me the point of wanting to give up on everything. I was talking to my friend earlier about this they said I shouldn’t because I’m strong enough person to carry on doing what I love doing; it’s also end of term, along with you just started your new medication as well so your going to be pretty much rubbish for awhile. 

To be honest she’s right just tying with last nights Wednesday Evening Post at 8 last night (18.7.18) the one with is crying a sign of weakness or that you been strong for so long that post. If you haven’t read it go on go and read it; it will all make sense to you and this one, or you make sense of this one without reading the other one. Either which read it anyways because it’s awesome.

I really do sometimes feel really unappreciated monjority of the time in what I do no matter what; I’m generally saying this as a whole where I do so much for a lot of people, no matter where I go and what I do I get the impression that I’m not good enough. 

One thing that got to me yesterday doing my job (18.7.18) that I got given a present from a child and their parents because they really appreciated of me looking after their child for so long whilst the original person that they normally was off sick. Plus their child keeps on requesting after me and loves the fact that they see them laughing and being happy seeing me in the mornings. 

Yeah that’s a good thing for me because I like to have a impact on a child’s life and make them happy. It distracts me a lot even if I have to play nursery rhymes on which currently sends me to sleep which isn’t good. So I’m trying to fight it off every time but at least I don’t have to sing them because I would be making them up as I go along to which I normally do in the first place. Good old internet when you need it at the best of times. 

This probably sounds like I’m a needy person but I’m not it’s down to determination and want to succeed well at the end of the day. Yet I never get a chance to succeed in life where I want to do things that I want to do because there’s always something holding me back or things happen that get me into trouble. The fact that I don’t care but other people do care at the end of the day and I don’t think about it but it bothers me when people say you can’t do this, you can’t do that and so on. 

Then what am I suppose to do go and jump off a cliff or something if someone told me to do that? Sorry… I won’t even do that because I’m scared of heights anyway so that’s bad luck for anyone else who tells me to go and do it. Sorry this kind of turned into a rant. 

Everyday Online Diary Entries – (18.7.18) Wednesday – Didn’t realise how tired my body was!

Boom! Yes the picture says “Last Night Everyday Online Diary Entries” it still the same thing but I’m not posting the Everyday Online Diary Entries on the day of  what happened anymore because it’s becomes to the point that at the best of times I don’t fancy putting it up on the same day or don’t want to write it along with the pressure of getting it out on time. 

So why not use the pictures that I originally wanted to use them for as a next day blog post in dictation of the day before on which should of been last nights blog post. Plus saves me making new ones for awhile. 

Today has been quite a long one to be quite honest with you; I was up quite early to the point of my hair was driving me mad, we all know that I have a problem when I actually don’t wash my hair on the day that it should of been and my eczema on my head drives me nuts. Then you’re like blooming dandruff where you could see clumps of it where you’ve been itching. Teach you a lesson in the first place to wash your hair. 

I actually had a decent night sleep the night before for once because my new medication literally knocked me out by 11:00pm (23:00pm GMT) normally you guys know I’m still up gone past midnight. My head has been less foggy and stressed at the time off it all; not sure why I didn’t get this sorted sooner but then again I don’t like going to the doctors in the first place, also to find that they were pretty useless when I needed the help in the first place at the time of need. 

To be fair I don’t even ask for help because I don’t even know how to; you think this is silly but it’s part of my whole problem in life that I grew up with, I don’t like to asking for help and I don’t like people all because it involves me talking and I pretty much have to talk about things. 

I was then woken up by my alarm clock at 5:30am in the end got out of bed to have a shower and get ready for work. I wasn’t expecting anything from a parent and a child but I got given a given a gift which was very nice and appreciated that I was doing a great job looking after their child. It gave me that sense of feeling that I was doing a good job and everything. 

I came home after doing my morning shift run fell asleep as I was feeling dreadful because of my new medication. Had a bit of lunch and back on a shift run to take them all home again. I came home again this time didn’t lock myself out which is good rule number one always put you’re keys back into your bag when you use them. 

I did the dishwasher as I didn’t do it during the day and sat with the fishes fed them a bit and chilled out as much as I could whilst the gobby house was going off one and along with the my mini supermarket making so much racket it was unbelievable. You could say I should be use to it but I’m not because it’s annoying to the point one of them is going to get a complaint one way or another. 

I pretty much had a chilled evening where I didn’t have to do much at all; I was so relaxed that my body ached and tired, I think I’ve been so intense for so long I think I’ve finally relaxed to the point of my body just wanted to sleep. 

Star Light Categories – Wednesday Evening Post – Do you think crying is a sign of weakness or strength?

I hate crying to be honest I tend to think it’s a weakness because at the time it happens I’m not thinking straight and think I’m not good enough but people actually tell me it’s not a sign of weakness when your crying. It’s a sign of being so strong for so long that it’s okay to cry; it means that your turn to be looked after for once, stop caring for other people give time to for yourself. 

I literally hate people looking after me to be honest I’m too stubborn let anyone into speak about things that’s in my life I think I’m weak. It’s only because I hate it so much. Only people I open up to is my closet friends that I have because it’s easier for me to not get judged and etc. 

I think it’s a fear of being judged and etc I don’t know what it is but I am one of those people who blocked myself getting so close to people because I’ve been hurt so many people in my life that I’ve learnt to be tough on myself. Along with the fact that I’ve always been determined and risk things about things of not caring about things. I do care about things but when there’s certain things I don’t believe in then I say it how it is whether they don’t need to hear the truth or not.

Everyday Online Diary Entries – (17.7.18) Tuesday – The day I wish it never happened

I wished today didn’t happen to be honest for the first time in like awhile things happened all at once where I didn’t sleep at all well the night before; waking up at 5:30am after 2 hours sleep by getting sleep at 2:30am that’s when you realise you still got to go to work, and your not on school holidays yet your like you got to go to work. 

I’m like thanks I couldn’t stay awake with especially when you were playing nursery rhymes for someone which didn’t help what so ever. Along with being a grump of not being able sleep; long with the time of getting home I get a stinking anxiety attack because something else happened, I’m just like thank you ever so much for setting me off and etc to the person who set me off. 

I literally had to force myself to go to sleep because I knew I was going to turn on myself; I was that tired it was ridiculous but I literally was okay after all that because I was wake enough for the afternoon shift, I was still feeling anxious and my head was still feeling weird but I was sitting on it most of the time.

Nearly everything was getting on my nerves when I got home after my shift I was genuinely had it. I wasn’t in the mood for one of my parents having ago at me for no reason what so ever; my other parent picked up that I wasn’t feeling right because I looked anxious and everything, I really didn’t need the other one having ago even when I had a bad day myself but I wasn’t feeling up to it to have ago. 

Doesn’t help that I’ve just started my new medication which really didn’t help me what so ever the cross over really doesn’t help. I suppose you just have to get use to it to be honest. I just pray to god that I actually get some sort of sleep tonight with a little help with the new meds.

Everyday Online Diary Entries – (16.7.18) Monday – What a weird day!

What up guys! Might try this out by posting this the day after it’s been done so that it’s not that stressful to put it up on the day but write it as it’s fresh in my memory on the day write it and schedule it for the next day. Obviously I’ve always put dates with my diaries as you always know. Let’s see how it all goes let’s go. 

I’m literally in pain as been so tense in my back because I’ve been so anxious about something I wish not talk about as it’s rather personal; I was up monjority of the night even with the mediation wasn’t really work too well, yet it was trying to help me as much as I can and then I was up at 5 stupid. As I like I call it “stupid o’clock” but nothing new there; however it was pretty long day for me I hate those kind of days, especially when you got a few bits to do or nothing what so ever and it drags on and on.

I had work first thing this morning so I was on the road from 6:45am to 9:15am then 45 minutes or so before leaving to go to an appointment that I’m not going into detail as it’s personal came home fed the fishes in the pond well just a bit. It was too hot for them to do much even though they live in the water haha. Had a nap after talking to my next door neighbor they do go on for hours if you let them; yet I slept for awhile to catch up on some sort of sleep that I missed the night before, I then went to work and I had this sneaky suspicion that I had just locked myself out of the house.

Did my second run of the day came back to find that one of my parents weren’t back yet; I thought this is weird also odd that no one was home yet, I looked in my bag and it was confirmed that I did lock myself out of the house. I couldn’t go and sit in the garden with the fishes until someone came home to let me in because the gate was also locked. I was like just typical the only time I actually lock myself out of the house and no one was home. 

To be fair I did forget to put my keys back in my bag but when one is tired and been so anxious all morning. You just like forget everything. So I rang up one of my parents to see where they were and they were like I got one more thing to do and they would be home in 15 minutes. The 15 minutes felt like ages and it was literally a long time until one of my other parents came home to find me sitting on the door step. They thought something was wrong but I was like “keys keys keys” never got over excited to have a set of keys to get inside the house even when you’re getting attacked by flipping ants. 

My other parent came home half an hour later after I rang them up; I was like luckily such and such came home within 15 minutes, I knew they would talk about anything to anyone it’s who they are. I fell asleep for good few hours after I did the dishwasher; had my dinner which was quite late but I think everyone was down at the pond with the fishes at the time, love the fishes so much they are so cute and adorable. 

We all went down after dinner to feed them they were even more cute and adorable as they became as one group of fish gang watching out for each other. I even filmed a few clips and turned it into a video because they were so damn cute and adorable. Even one of my parents who watched it said that I did it quite well as I made it look like you could touch the water and the way I got all of the fishes in the shot. 

It’s not that difficult I think I could of put music behind it but I think it was a bit better without it to be honest. Not sure but I love it. That was pretty much it to be honest and yes I have put my keys back into my work bag now thank you for reminding me.  Have a good day. Peace. 

Star Light Categories – Teen Lifestyle – Hall Of Fame

You could be the greatest be the King Kong beating on your chest; making the whole world know your name because you want to be centre of the attention, however that’s not what it’s all about do you know why? That’s not how the real works especially in the hall of fame because you got too much swagger. 

I can whip it up into something real good tell you how it is no matter how much you think I’m old and don’t know anything but I don’t care. It’s like me saying “the shoes that you’re wearing are trainers” but you say “what are those?” Its more like crispy beacon crispy like Britexit but the watch is like to expensive; who do think you are?, who do you think are? 

You’re girlfriend or boyfriend is like Sideshow Bob who wants to control you but who do you think are? who do you think you are? Taking picture, looking me up, talking about me, tweeting about me, watching me. No one cares in the real world because at the end of the day whatever you do will come back to haunt you. 

Your teen lifestyle isn’t really hall of fame it’s what you do after school that counts when you got your grades. You should retire the hard act now because I will be sticking around until you’re name will come out of your mouth; it will take more than a minute because I made a name for myself with all of the things that I have done since I left school, I walk my own hall of fame a house hold name in my own rights but do you know I don’t care I’ve never liked the whole school thing yet so what. At least I haven’t had my last dance because we all going to get in fight
because I’m going to show you that it’s going to be alright.

It’s never like hall of fame for me I don’t want everyone to know my name until I just want to be remembered as the one who coped through and make jokes at everything that I had deal with. You just need to find away to start your own hall of fame one way or another so everyone will know your name for the right reasons. 

Daily Stories – Daily Beauty – Maintaining my make up in this heat

The worst bit when you’re wearing make up in the “Uk heat” is that you need guttering for your sweat or for your make up; due to the fact that it’s like a river flowing straight off my face like nobody knows by lunch time, it’s like what’s the point in putting any on when it comes straight off your face. 

I’ve literally tried everything well not everything but you know what I mean; using some of the stuff that you already got to try out things to make it better, for me I’ve tried to do foundation, concealer, loose powder and compressed powder which is my normal routine. I have tried doing it with foundation, loose powder, compressed powder, concealer, loose powder and compressed powder.

To which it actually works because it has so many layers on it to the point of I have to sweat more if I needed to. I forget when I do my make up and stick to my normal routine because I don’t do the whole system because I look outside and think yeah it be fine. Then by lunch time I just forget about how hot it can get then all of the sudden bam sweat start pouring and I’m like you plank. 

You forgotten haven’t you like you’ve been slapped around with a wet fish on your face. Anyone else have the same problem with that they sweat so much that their make up comes off their face? Could you guys let me know how you deal with it and what products you use to stop your face leaking from sweat and ruining your make up? Please let me know because I don’t know how long we are going to have this awesome wether for.

Star Light Categories – Hustle and Bustle Advice of Blogging – My two current favourite apps

On Thursday I think it was it could might as well be on Friday last week I had two awesome apps for my iPad (by the way I’m not being sponsored for this) called “MindNode” and “TabletJournal” they are so awesome I fell upon them whilst looking through the whole App Store and I thought why not give them both a go to see what they are like.

Oh my word they are so good you could barely imagine; the reason for this is because it has unleashed my short stories that I’ve been struggling to write for a very long time without any prompts, not saying my daily challenges or any other stories that I’ve written in the past needed the apps but for me personally I found that they’ve woken up an old part of me that I use to do all those years ago. 

I use to do mind maps and everything in journals pieces of paper and so on. Also answer questions that I would write about to get me thinking of what story I wanted to write about. This was when I had word on my old laptop before it dyed on me for being so old; to which I had to buy a new laptop which was Apple Mac Pro I think it was then I sold it, which is annoying but I do hope I get a new one soon and do things again that I want to use it for. 

However my iPad has worked its wonders for now for over a year so it’s all good I like it. Mindnode is basically an app that you can create a mind map of what you want to do whether it’s for blogs, stories, business ideas and etc it’s so handy that you can create lots of different colours with it and many more ways to be creative with it that can help you.

TabletJournal app is like a normal like journal but on a app; you can use it for anything to be honest, I’m just going to use it for my short stories because I find it easier to answer my questions that I have planned out on Mindnode and be able to expand how I want to do but also to know the outline of the story before I write it completely. I use to do this sort of thing years ago to fill in the gaps with questions and colour code them so I know which ones are which. I am so ocd when it comes colour coding and organisations with my blogs and stories. 

You may find it with my pictures there’s certain things that I do with my pictures where I have to have the right sort of pictures for certain categories to the best of my ability. Presentation for me is important for me whether it’s for myself or for you guys. 

Everyday Online Diary Entries – (15.7.18) Sunday – I think I need guttering!

Guttering? What’s one of those? You probably asking; then your defiantly a snowflake because you should know what it is, it’s the black thing that goes around your house to catch the rain and go down to the sewers. However I need some sort of guttering for myself because you can always tell when I’m sweating due to the fact I’m literally drenched. 

No matter what I do it doesn’t seem to work. The heat doesn’t help one bit either because it brings out everything else that’s wrong with me. Such fun. One of my parents fell for it when they tried to give me a hug one time; I didn’t have enough time to tell them that I was literally drenched of sweat, they were like eww your all wet and I replied I was about to say I’m drenched from sweat. 

One time of my grandparents touched my face and I did warn them I’m sweaty they still did it; “oh your wet” “yeah I’m sweating” we both laughed about that and then a few minutes later they touched my right arm as I showed them it was completely drenched more than the other one. They were like that’s horrible. Haha.

We finally got fishes for the pond two Butterfly Kois and 10 rainbow mixed fishes they are so cute. We’ve worked out that one of the rainbow fishes is cocky and confident exploring the whole pond. We then have one that just hid behind some pond weed didn’t want to explore as much. It was scared cat one it was so funny you can tell which ones going to do well but they will be all confident once they get use to it all. 

Well excited and happy about the fishes they are so cool and cute might get me out more now to sit down there when it’s all finished and etc. Just want to congratulate France on winning the World Cup today. 

Star Categories – Sunday Special – How to take stress out on a Sunday Special?

I’ve never liked Sunday’s as long as I can remember I think it’s since as a kid. I personally think it’s a waist of time to have a Sunday to do anything; it’s like lunch times when I never know what to have, I’m well fussy when it comes to food especially on the weekends the most importantly every Sunday as a kid we use to have a Sunday roast. It would stress me out a lot with the Sunday roast was because it would take a very long time after been to church; then I would had to do homework if had to do homework at the time, then next minute it would be dinner and then bed. 

That was a stressful thing ever I found as a kid however since then I changed the way I do things because it just drove me mad. I stopped going to church because I didn’t believe in it because it just wound me up everytime where is the evidence; couldn’t sit still because I have attention span of a goldfish that’s because of my hearing I’m not one of those people who can be talked at all the time, we decided not to have Sunday Roast anymore on the Sunday because my parents realised that it does take a very long time and everything. 

I now replace it all the things that I want to do and gives me the best relaxation that I want to be honest. I like that because I prefer to keep myself occupied it also reduces the stress and my anxiety as much as I can. I try and make something or do something to keep myself occupied; it also takes my mind off Monday for the day, otherwise it sends me into a panic because I knew I had to go to school the next day and I didn’t want to go I hated school so much. 

I’ve still have those days where I hate Mondays because there’s always been a certain things that made me feel anxious and I literally hate it. Things always seem to feel uncomfortable or something bad is going to happen because I have that weird sense of feeling from people; I hate picking up other people’s emotions because I think it’s about me like have I done something wrong or upset them, it tends to put me in a negativity mood and start getting cross because I hate the whole thing. I find out that it’s not even me but it feels like it’s me and I’m the one that’s been taken out off.