Star Light Categories: (17.6.18) Sunday – Update in June 2018

Hey guys I just wanted to quickly update you what has happened and give a few massive shout outs to a few people. I would like to apologise for not posting a blog or blogs today (17.6.18) like I  normal would; I did start with a title, a picture all ready to get started but it couldn’t function what so ever and I was struggling and ill.

However I am on slowly on the mends of getting better now with the support that I’ve been receiving along with seeing you guys continually reading my blogs. Knowing how awesome you guys are of being positive if there’s not been a blog or so posted. Thank you for coming to the rescue on your amazing stags over the weekend knowing that you wouldn’t let you’re fellow stag and friend down. You’re love means the world to me and guidance of not giving up.

Most importantly my family and few of my friends coming to the rescue when I needed it the most without them I don’t know what I would do to be honest. Mental health isn’t easy on anyone from the one who’s suffering with it and the closeness of family and friends.

Also one massive HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to all of the fathers out there and especially mine as he’s awesome in his own special way.

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Everyday Online Diary Entries: (16.6.18) Saturday – Not the best start of the weekend

I literally not had a best start of the weekend this morning yet here I am picking myself up as per normal where I just spent the whole morning crying. You guys know me by now when my mental health issues kicks in I start to struggle a bit but I’m not the one who is after sympathy or anything but thank you if you do much appreciated. 

I generally push through it all now because I need to control my mind as much as I can. That’s all the whole point of me starting up Life On The Open Road Project for young people, teens and children because at the end of the day you have to fight through it or let it define you. 

Today of all days for me I just basically slept the whole day done nothing other than forced myself to have a shower to see if I would be alright but didn’t so today was the first time I didn’t even bothered to do my hair and make up like I have been doing everyday. I literally just washed my hair and blow dried it gone rather curly and frizzy.

Obviously got dressed got even more annoyed when my own parents didn’t answer their phones and moan at us for not answering our phones. I literally drugged myself up with medication, paracetamol and hayfever meds the correct ones! To be able to breathe properly actually fell asleep for a good few hours to waking up to no one in the house but I think they went out for a pond window shopping I think it was. Weren’t really a wake to know what was happening but something telling me it’s something to do with a pond might turned into a cat look as well not sure.

Dreamed about two youtubers because I had them in the back ground at the time when I was sleeping. Then had a very late lunch veggie quarter pounder spicy to try out nearly had all four of them but put the half eaten one in the fridge because I couldn’t eat anymore. However I’ve learnt over recent the years spicy actually helps clear your air ways a lot more and also helps your insides too. Just saying trying not to be gross at all. 

Obviously when I have colds or really bad hayfever now I know what to do. Get some spicy things and have them to clear my airwaves then panic that my ear drums are going to burst like they did about 5 years ago. Decided to take my trampoline well me and my siblings trampoline at the time we were all in the same house; however it’s been over a year when my parents said that they were going to take it down, yet it was my sister who didn’t want it to go but my parents want a bit more garden. 

Instead of the trampoline we are replacing it with a pond as it will be nice to have something more peaceful and etc. At the end of the garden have a bit of a wild life at the end of the garden and gaining access to the fruit we have at the end of the garden. Might even be nice for my own mental health at the end of the day by sitting  down the end of the garden doing bits and pieces. 

Life On The Open Road Project – Paradise – (16.6.18) Saturday

My love I need to explain to you when I’m with you I’m in paradise but my mind; oh yes my mind what can I say without you, my mind it rides off in the other direction when I have my moments and it rides on the negative because I’m left outside alone. You know when I’m with you in the storm in the paradise doesn’t last forever because on the paradise roads I will ride on down the road on my stag keeping me safe until we find you. 

I will find you, I will hold onto you and I’ll be there. I know you heard it from the other boys that I wasn’t coming back but that’s not true it’s all in your head. You know I’m real because this time I feel like this paradise can’t keep us away from each other because it keeps you awake as it’s running through your bloody veins in your human body. You know that my love is heading your way find your stag because you’re love is heading your way. 

My love I need to explain to you when I’m with you I’m in paradise but your mind; oh yes your mind what can you say, you’re nothing without me, your mind it rides off in the other direction when you have your moments and it rides on the negative because you’re left outside alone. You know when I’m with you in the storm in the paradise doesn’t last forever because on the paradise roads you will ride on down the road on your stag keeping you safe until we find me. 

My time. My time. My t-t-time will never end the helter skelter because we will be out whatever the weather. You open your cabin door to find your stag waiting for you to get back onto that open road; mmm my mind hopes you will follow the stag to where we should meet, my heart, my heart and my boom boom heart beats and thumping against my chest. Knowing that I’m alive. I’m alive a lot more now as you start to follow the stag. 

You stop. Why oh why did you stop? Oh my, oh my. The stag tried to push you on a bit further into this paradise to go and find me. You start stroking the stag feeling the love in your bloody veins knowing that stag is right. Don’t need to blame anyone anymore. You know that the paradise of our love is there. Roll on. Roll on. Meet me there. Hold on. Hold on. You are strong. You are strong. My, my, my your strong….

Star Light Categories: (15.6.18) Friday – Friday Time Recap Time – Paradise

My love I need to explain to you when I’m with you I’m in paradise but my mind; oh yes my mind what can I say without you, my mind it rides off in the other direction when I have my moments and it rides on the negative because I’m left outside alone. You know when I’m with you in the storm in the paradise doesn’t last forever because on the paradise roads I will ride on down the road on my stag keeping me safe until we find you.

I will find you, I will hold onto you and I’ll be there. I know you heard it from the other boys that I wasn’t coming back but that’s not true it’s all in your head. You know I’m real because this time I feel like this paradise can’t keep us away from each other because it keeps you awake as it’s running through your bloody veins in your human body. You know that my love is heading your way find your stag because you’re love is heading your way.

My love I need to explain to you when I’m with you I’m in paradise but your mind; oh yes your mind what can you say, you’re nothing without me, your mind it rides off in the other direction when you have your moments and it rides on the negative because you’re left outside alone. You know when I’m with you in the storm in the paradise doesn’t last forever because on the paradise roads you will ride on down the road on your stag keeping you safe until we find me.

My time. My time. My t-t-time will never end the helter skelter because we will be out whatever the weather. You open your cabin door to find your stag waiting for you to get back onto that open road; mmm my mind hopes you will follow the stag to where we should meet, my heart, my heart and my boom boom heart beats and thumping against my chest. Knowing that I’m alive. I’m alive a lot more now as you start to follow the stag.

You stop. Why oh why did you stop? Oh my, oh my. The stag tried to push you on a bit further into this paradise to go and find me. You start stroking the stag feeling the love in your bloody veins knowing that stag is right. Don’t need to blame anyone anymore. You know that the paradise of our love is there. Roll on. Roll on. Meet me there. Hold on. Hold on. You are strong. You are strong. My, my, my your strong….

Everyday Post: (15.6.18) Friday: Hayfever Tablets gone wrong!

You probably thinking how can you go wrong with hayfever tablets. Trust me you can I just did otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this blog if it went wrong. So the other day on Wednesday (13.6.18) I brought some hayfever tablets from my local supermarket store that’s on my doorstep.

They didn’t have what I normally have so I just got something else in the replacement for it; however I forgot that I was allergic to the certain something that was in the hayfever tablets, so I was literally thought “oh yeah they would be fine” and when I took it my eyes were like puffy around my eyes. I weren’t sure why that was happening so I took a paracetamol to reduce the puffy around my eyes and I could sleep to which actually worked my eyes weren’t as puffy as they were.

Then I took it again yesterday (14.6.18) the pain around my right eye with a headache feeling; that’s when I realise that I was having allergic reaction to the tablets, I looked at the tablet box and reread the thing and I realised that I was allergic reaction to the thing. It was the same thing that I was allergic to the hayfever medication that my sister has. I was like you idiot why would you do continue taking it if you allergic reaction to it?

For my own safety I gave the hayfever tablets to my sister who isn’t allergic to it because I know that she can handle it than I can. So she got free hayfever tablets at the end of the day and I’m just going to continue suffer the hayfever until I get the ones that I need that I’m not allergic to.

Lesson learnt not to buy things that you are allergic to or you think you might be allergic too. Just don’t buy it no matter how much your hayfever is giving you grief. Got to love my stupidity at the end of the day. Yes I did take a paracetamol to stop the pain and the allergic reaction spreading last night.

Everyday Online Diary Entries: (15.6.18) Friday – Half empty dishwasher put it on or wait until dinner finishes?

I don’t even know if I want to laugh, cry or laugh and cry at the same time. People either have logic or they don’t because who puts on the dishwasher that is half full and waist a bloody dishwasher tablet. Who does that? I nearly bloom cried over that because there was plenty of space for the evening meal to put in it. I then nearly flipping cried over medium plates like you use for toast and etc; they wouldn’t fit in the flipping cupboard, I’m like dishwasher, plates, dishwasher, plates AAAHHHHHH! Half full dishwasher and full cupboard with plates why now!

I wouldn’t be in this position if a) people have common sense of it’s half full why not leave it until later and the plates look pretty full where they go b) stop blinking buying plates we don’t need anymore blinking plates for love of god. I never ever wanted to cry of people’s stupidity of something so simple as this. Half empty dishwasher let’s wait until dinner as we have space for that and there will be space for the plates when some of the plates have come out of the cupboard in the morning. That’s my logic to it all. One of my massive pet hates you can ever ask for in my life.

So whilst I’m working in the morning I get bombarded with messages from let’s say people (friends) but people sounds a whole lot better in this case. I literally was like I’m not responding they know I’m working and doing double shift to earn more money and knowing that I don’t finish at 10:30am. The whole headache hayfever, anxiety and stress was getting to me because of them; can you do this? Can you do that? I’m like I’M AT WORK!

By the time I got home I was quite glad I didn’t have a black out and stuff because it was getting to the stage where I could feel something was coming and I had to eat something then sleep. I literally ignored my phone the whole time because I couldn’t barely look at my phone or need anymore stress. However someone else panicked because they thought something was wrong as I hadn’t messaged them or freaked out on them like I normally do for about 7 hours straight in which it wasn’t like me to them.

So I told them why and they were like don’t do anymore double shifts again; I was like how else am I meant to pay things if I don’t have much money, they went quiet that’s when they knew I was right about something and you could worry about me as much as you like but you tell me to do one thing and then change your mind and do the other but you can’t have both.

I’m just glad that it’s Friday and people can go and do one if they need something from me because I’ve literally had enough of it all to be frankly because I’m doing everything that I can and to survive in this world. I’m going to keep pushing myself until I have a bad moment and then start the whole cycle once again. That’s how I do things.

Remember The Victims Post: (14.6.18) Thursday Grenfell Tower a year today

Another year older. A little bit stronger and a little bit wiser than a year ago today. Looking back over my shoulder I was so much younger then when it happened but I still can’t believe what happened a year ago today. I just can’t forget about it like it didn’t really mean a thing when I saw the flames going up the tower; so many of you passed away a year ago today.

Another year has gone by and all the tears have run dry; life has been seems so unkind to which a year ago today, I just can’t understand it and I don’t think I will ever get over it. How many times have I questioned myself if I could do better; it should of been me not them, how many times did I fool myself of what has happened and now I’ve got to pick myself up. Take another look of what I need to do with my life and dust myself once again because god gave me another chance of living.

I’ll say it to myself and I’ll say it again like love with never end, I will never forget you even if we are so far apart now but you’re forever in my heart. Another year older and a little bit stronger in this anniversary knowing that you’re watching over me. A year ago you left the world in the deadly fire.

Star Light Categories: (14.6.18) #throwbackthursday: Why are my eyes feel so puffy?

So last night (13.6.18) tried to sleep as you do when one is tired but you can’t because you might wake up at stupid o’clock the time you want to sleep so you stay up a bit longer. As the hour passes you start to fall asleep through your favourite YouTube videos what do you do? Stop what you’re doing and try to get some sleep but oh no something doesn’t want you to go to sleep.

I knew this time my mind wasn’t the one that was causing the problem this time; nor the heat or the cold with the window being open and closed, what else could possibly go wrong now? Correct I gave you a clear clue in the title for tonight’s blog. Why is my eyes so puffy?

Come to realisation that it could well and truly been hayfever annoying thing because now I can actually breathe through my nose other sounded stuffy and bunged up. Today (14.6.18) is been nice and cool not to hot and not too cold. Just about right with the clouds forming.

Right now my eyes still hurts but not as bad as it has been and I’ve also found out why I’ve been blacking out recently. It’s because I leave the house on a empty tummy a few times and there’s nothing for my medication to feed off from. All sorts themselves out in the end one way or another in the end. Lesson learnt not to go out on a empty tummy grab a piece of bread whilst leaving the house.

Everyday Online Diary Entries: (14.6.18) Thursday: when Dr Pepper decides to gives you a second bath of the night

You may off laughed at this blog title today because it actually did happen last night (13.6.18) I literally wasn’t out of the bath long about to take my medication not even sure why I decided to take it with fizzy. I think I was too lazy to even think about going down stairs or just realised that I have a bottle of water in my Sainsbury bag; why didn’t I even use that? my god I must of been so tired last might even thinking straight.

So I didn’t think much of it. Don’t even remember why or how it was when I picked it up; it was just there at the start and it was in my hand, I was then taking my medication and that was about it. Well after it all fizzed up and went everywhere I normally like go “oh my god, oh my god. It’s everywhere.” Nope no, no not at all not even the slightest of a reaction of what just happened other than fizzing all over the place.

I was literally like well “it’s now all over me, my bed, my phone” I really wasn’t bothered that it was all over my phone last night or my bed. I just picked up the baby wipes and just wiped off the wetness on my phone and the wetness on my bed. You guys would be screaming at me saying “it went all over your phone why aren’t you not that bothered about your phone.” I would of done if I was actually awake enough to know what I was doing and what not. However I wasn’t. I literally just shrugged it off like no body knows like “s***t happens” what you going to do about it.

Now you’re probably thinking how can you be so tired and still be straight forward especially towards yourself. Quite easy I’m quite hard on myself when I’m tired like I am now; you don’t realise how much you realise your tired when something so simple like that to happen when your actually awake and on the ball, you work yourself up to the point of being annoyed with yourself and then when you’re tired your like well clearly someone needs to go to bed before anything else happens. Trust me I literally had a mind blank off forgetting that one child stayed after school club and one went home with one of their parents.

I literally forgot what that I just seen one leave with their parent and one was staying behind even though I knew my mind went blank. I was having a Lizzy – Lou moment there….that’s basically about if really other than trying to be quiet but trying not to laugh but someone I was with didn’t like loud noises but things that they did made you think so they know or do they not that they are being very humorous. The fact that I made the connections to what they were doing they saw me trying not to laugh but they laughed as well which made me laugh even more.

Everyone should be happy because being down and in the dumps all the time and not keeping busy is not on. I know I have my moments but I just push myself to keep busy and be happy whatever the weather is. Unless it’s raining it can definitely go and do one. Being happy is the key in life.

Life On The Open Road Project Online: (14.6.18) Thursday – What is a recovery buddy?

In my Life On The Open Road Project Online Donations Page I’ve given you a brief outline of what I am hoping to achieve with the Life On The Open Road Project. I have mentioned about a Recovery Buddy you guys are wondering what is a recovery buddy? don’t worry I’ll explain what a recovery buddy is.

What is a recovery buddy? A recovery buddy is a friend that you may have met through the charity or you and a really close friend who has the same problems with confidence issues and etc. Yet you guys are confident and everything together you both support each other.

I can give you a perfect example with a recovery buddy. I have a friend called “Maddie” not her original name but I’ve been starting to call her that in the last couple of weeks and it just stuck with me to be honest. We support each other no matter what if we have different opinions or what not but at the end of the day we grew the close bond of knowing how we connect.

Maddie grew confidence within herself as I told her that she needs to start to believe in herself; not let people walk all over her, and many more things. In a space of a year or so she made a lot of progress and positive in herself where she not letting people push her around; the fact that she didn’t know how I do it to begin with, but I trained myself not to give up and tell people where to go if they over step the mark.

However when I have a relapse with my mental health I’ll talk to her and also we meet up to chill out or do a bit of window shopping or both shopping and window shopping. It’s like both need to meet up talk about what’s going on if something is wrong and then we chill or whatever we are doing we are there reminding each other it’s okay. We will bounce back like we always do.

Helping one another out, be there for one another, making new friends, be close friends and many other ways to support each other. By doing that with a recovery buddy it’s like saying you’re not on your own I’m also going through the same thing. Let’s do this together let’s fight this negativity together.

If you haven’t looked at Life On The Open Road Project Donations why not go and check it out at the top in showing your support by donating by the link at the bottom of the page if you would like to see this happen and make it happen.