This week has to be the hardest week I have ever faced with my mental health playing up; I’ve been trying to persevere through it by continuing writing, planning, researching and drawing what I could do. Yet all I keep on doing is leaving pages blank, crunch up pieces of paper, deleting almost a good blog and crossing out work. All because I convinced myself that my work wasn’t good enough; letting my demons get better of me one way or another, let alone wanting to feel safe for some ridiculous reason.
The fact that I want to delete this blog post already goes to show that I’m actually struggling what to write. Apologies if this really doesn’t make any sense to you what so ever; maybe it’s okay to have a break once in awhile due to a writer’s block, I personally miss the writing aspect of things because it’s my safe haven one way or another. What the writers block does to me is just pisses me right off because I know that I can do this but things in my life brings me down and that’s when it goes boom let’s put a stop to this.
I was going to do a 30 Day Challenge for the autumn but the first one I chose was difficult because it was already set out for you. You know me guys I come up with a title and swing it to make it look good. Not having to worry about the whole set title of things that might come with it. I’m probably being stupid aren’t I. You can tell me to just get on with it and stop being a chicken. You did do 25 days Advent Calendar Blog last year you can do five more as a 30 Day Challenge for Autumn. Oh by the way I do need 25 Days Blog Advent Calendar ideas please leave a comment for me to be able to get some ideas for it before December.
I should really get some sort of life in order of what I actually need to write and etc. Oh wait hang on I have a half term so I can sort out my blogging life out; like I always do because it’s handy for me to know what I am doing with it, your genius guys thanks for reminding me. I have to say writing this out; talking to you guys about what’s going on inside my head right now, helps me to think clearly and better. Cheers guys your the best.
Once again I would like to remind you that you can believe this is true or not it’s your own opinion at the end of the day. I write what I write and that’s all that matters to me.
I know that I’ve messed up a lot but I know that you would never let me give up; with all the nights, the fights, the blood and the break ups. You’re always the one to call up to see if I’m okay; I know that I’m a pain, I’m a child and I’m afraid but yet you always understand like no one could understand. Knowing that we don’t look like much but no one can fuck it up like us.
When I’m laying in our bed feeling unwell you come in; never even judged me on how I looked that day, from just having a bug or having a bad day with my health. Your always there when I need you; wrapping your arms around me keeping me safe, even when we go out for a function I try my best to go and put a brave face on. I know that when I’m with you. I’m standing with an army full off support from you. Even when the dark times are so bad you can always find the bright side; I am amazed by the things that you would sacrifice, just to be there for me even when I hear you sing out tune I would laugh as I cringe and trying to stop you from singing I would kiss you to make you stop.
Yet your my everything so please don’t change a thing as we both know what they all say about us; as they don’t even stand a chance, because I am with you and yet you understand me and I understand you like no one can.
Through the wind and rain we finally got here; now that we got here by flying with no fear; we’ve been in pain for so long as I stare in your eyes it’s all gone, even through the wind and the rain we burn so bright and learn to fly through the flames and hold on tight with so many things that could go wrong. Yet as I look in your eyes they are all gone.
In my dreams it feels like we are forty stories high; whenever you come around it’s like we are untouchable like we are not going to fall, is it safe to say the sound that we hear is the words of untouchable. The feeling of alone is only real when you’re not around; whenever I’m walking in the rain, the sun goes down and the one thing that can save us is our love. I need to hear you again but also to show me how because I know that our love shouldn’t be so hard yet we find ourselves standing in the dark. You always light up where ever I go and I know that my heart shouldn’t beat so hard; but I’m swimming with the sharks, yet you light up and keep me out of the cold, the nightmares are only real when you’re not around and yet my candle in my heart is starting to burn out.
Whenever you’re gone; I’m waiting at the door like everything’s hurting like before, however without any meaning we just skin and bone like beautiful robots dancing alone. Your my world and my protector. Your men and women are my protectors when our gone.
In today’s hustle and bustle advice of blogging session we have the obstacles of being a blogger. This covers all areas of media such as two main ones that I know off is Blogger Writer and YouTuber; the only two that I actually know about this is because my sister is a YouTuber and I’ve also seen how hard it is to blog everyday for the rest of the YouTuber community. As I struggle these days blogging just normally but yet I still find away of doing something and post it up. However I’m going to base this session on writing purposes; this will cover all other areas as well to help you get past them, the fact that I’m doing this right now is because it will help me go through my obstacles that I am in right now.
Obstacles that I’m facing all the time:
– Thinking that my writing and the work that I do put into it. Isn’t great because I believe in my thoughts of negative and how rubbish I am in writing. No confidence in myself to get something worth doing.
– Fear of being judged by critics that who are jealous of your talent because they can’t do it; for example: “your work is rubbish. I can do so much better than that”, yet they don’t have anything up to show how good they really are.
– Fear of not getting a good audience of people to keep on coming back; makes you feel like your trying to hard to impress people, or no one really likes you or your work and think someone tipped them off for not reading any of your work.
– People contact you saying you can get x amount of followers/subscribers if you use this cheat.
– People pretend to be who they are but they aren’t especially if they are businesses people that you may not of heard about.
How do we over come them?
To be able to over come these types of obstacles is by believing in yourself and don’t give a damn about what people think. You are doing it for yourself and yourself only.
– To kick people arses who are jealous of your success.
– Believe that your work is better than anyone else’s.
– Doing it all for yourself and no one else
– Believe your work is something that is your own unique pleasure and having fun doing it.
– Ignore your critics and listen to your positive critics the more positive critics can over turn your loser critics.
– Don’t worry about your audience as much as you should because they will come to you when they are ready; don’t go to them and bribe them by using a cheat app of getting x amount of followers/subscribers, because at the end of the day you still feel like you haven’t earned them on the way you like to.
– People who claiming that they are from a famous company or a company that you may not of heard off; just check them out, ask questions and have a look at their website but also get someone else’s second opinion about it all as well. You never know if they could be frauds or not
The number of ways of being successful is being staying true to who you are; how you want to run your website, how you want to do things your way and you don’t have to follow the trend that everyone else is doing. Defeat all of the obstacles that stand in your way because they are there to be defeated not to stop you from doing what you love doing.
The fact that in this title I made it sound that like I’ve made the title say all the things that I wanted it to mean; to which it became all true, now I’ve got to make it like this blog post sound more interesting and prove the point that title has the same meaning and have that selling point for you guys.
Reasons why I have chosen this title is that it means so many things in the world of blogging and youtubing etc. To the point of people who think they are famous for being the most popular YouTuber or blogger is because everyone loves to watch them and read their everyday lives. Then you have the simple people who keep their heads on proud of what they have achieved and grateful for their audience and then patience.
Apologies that I’m probably ranting in this one but I’m just feeling angry and upset about something. I just thought why not take it out on a blog for a change. The fact that I find that people who create cheats for getting more subscribers or followers don’t actually deserve the whole thing because they haven’t earned the hard work or the patience of the craft that they have made; they just want to get paid, be noticed and be as popular as the next person. Please don’t do that because everyone knows those sort of people are fake and true bloggers and youtubers actually work their socks of to get where they are today; even if they weren’t planning on doing youtubing or blogging for the rest of their lives, they were just doing it for fun.
The fact that I work my socks off everyday even when I don’t even feel like blogging I try and make ago of it; when I look in my administration page, to see what else that I can do I see comments and yeah people give me the nicest comments ever. Also people follow my blog site because they actually enjoy the whole thing; I just don’t go click the follow button if you want to read more, click like if you liked this blog or comment below blah blah blah. You know what I mean it’s just that’s me thinking that’s pretty poor marketing to be honest but all I say is see you next time or just leave it and let you guys decide what you want to do. At the end of the day it’s your choice not mine. If you like it you like. If you don’t you don’t.
I’m one of those people who like small little victories that I know my work is good; even when I’m having a bad day about something or I’m having a relapse, it gives me that positivity of hope in life that I can do things. Also the main thing the confidence that I can do things; than brag or be a dick about it all by rubbing it into other people’s faces. If I did have a dick I pretty sure I wouldn’t rub it into people’s faces. Haha. Apologies can’t help it dry sense of humour strikes again; a lot of that has come out the past week or so, a bit weird but I wonder why no one takes me seriously unless they got on the wrong side of me and then they don’t know what’s hit them.
Just be you and that’s all that matters. If you likes give it a like, give me a comment if you want more like these, give us a follow. If not doesn’t matter your choice I just go and find a cheat somewhere….wait wait wait, I was kidding hahaha that made you walk straight into that one. How many of you walked straight into that one or you know I was having to you on? I bet you; you thought “dickhead. You just wrote a whole piece on how so many people have been dicks in this line of business”, haha just wanted to see how long you would notice.
Chow for now
Friday Time Recap Time this opening is an one off special as I haven’t planned it; didn’t really think that I was going to use it for 8 o’clock time but I will today as I have nothing planned, and this was half way completed at the time. So enjoy.
About time to when I should do a Q&A thing really and to be fair I was pretty bored. I wanted to do another blog instead of feeling sorry for myself for being ill and etc haha. So here’s are my answers to the picture up above but will put the numbers next to the answers so that you can refer back to the questions.
A1) Elizabeth Ruth Arrow.
A3) Meg Ann and few others.
A4) Pretty rubbish for a Friday.
A5) not answering.
A6) not sure at the moment.
A7) 5ft4 1/2.
A8) I have so many I don’t know where to begin.
A9) Writing, my phone and probably my bed right now.
A10) when people annoy me to the point of I can’t get out of it, being hurt and feeling rubbish towards myself.
A11) friends who know me well, kids that I work with, knowing that my blogs are okay.
A12) not sure.
A13) Prince Harry always be my secret crush (oops said that out loud), Hugh Grant and many others.
A14) did have five earrings in both ears,
A15) not sure.
A16) not sure.
A17) happy endings.
A18) iPad (haha).
A19) not hundred percent.
A20) this morning.
A21) definitely not.
A22) I can speak and understand none verbal talk.
A23) A few friends.
A24) nope once I’ve watched the series it’s finished don’t go back to it.
A25) your turn to ask me questions for a next Q&A session
I had this idea for the last few days now as nearly everything that I use everyday is running out; no money until next week to replace them but I can tell you which brands I use daily, when I have them on a average day. I’m not going to do it in order to what I put on my first; it’s just too technical, along with I use different brands at different times.
I use Garnier Skinactive Micellar Cleansing Water to take off any make up off that I may of missed when I use B. Micellar Cleansing Water.
I use B. Micellar Cleansing Water first before anything else. Just to make sure that my make up is off or there’s anymore left that I’ve missed. I also use B. Make Up brushes to apply the correct make up that I use.
I use Revlon make up of contouring and corrector. Two of the most expensive things that I buy but I don’t care to be honest I like the brand and it works for my skin.
I use out of the Collection range Sheer Loose Powder Ivory, unless they are out of stock I use something that’s closer to it. Compressed Powder Ivory unless they are out of stock then I go for something closer to it. I also use Medium Cool or Fair Concler and I also use black liquid eyeliner.
I use Barry M Ivory foundation and Primer. If they don’t have my foundation I try and get something near to it.
I use Maybelline New York Massacre the extreme look (red massacre one) can’t remember the actual name of it. Maybelline nude colours eye shadows and sometimes their contour colours but not that often.
I use Simple Cleansing lotion, make up wipes and make up remover if I ran out of the wipes or I haven’t got anymore Cleansing Water left.
That’s basically the only things that I use for my daily make up. I sometimes buy double of things so that it will keep me going for about four months or so to keep me going for a bit while longer
The Autumn Lifestyle of my world when I really want…..
It’s that time of year where it’s getting colder each day; the leaves are starting to turn to their autumn colours, loose their leaves and the mud starts to become horrible and muddy. That’s when I’ve started to get into a bath and into my pjs feeling. I generally don’t do that but these days I’ve actually wanted to do that because I’ve been up for almost 12 hours a day minus the weekend lay in is luxury for me to be honest with you.
The last couple of days I’ve just wanted to have a bath, get in my pjs, have my dinner and just chill in my room. So then if I do fall asleep then I don’t have to worry about having a bath or having to get dress in the freezing cold. The fact that I’m craving hot chocolate right now it’s ridiculous because I’m never craving it this badly; but heyho if anyone has great suggestions of wha flavour hot chocolates are out there do let me know, so I may have to invest in some because I liked the one that my cousin gave me but I never got round to getting anymore because I’m never have any money.
The other another feeling that I’ve been getting is me wanting nice cuddles with someone in bed because I’m forever cold and doesn’t help my hips hurt every so often. Not because of that guys come on what do you take me for. I wouldn’t be blogging now if I was. Rolling my eyes at you guys. Innocent children maybe reading these. I have joint problems okay especially when I have a trap nerve/lower back pain. Which effects it badly so odd occasions I do take something for it to help me get some sleep a night.
A bit of a short one tonight guys sorry. I’ve been struggling to write something the last couple of days. If there’s something that you want me to talk about please don’t hesitate and leave a comment below.
All the best
This week for the new month and a new week is something that I would like everyone to understand.
For the record of this I would like to remind people what I do and why I do it. I also give people the opportunity of what they believe and what they don’t believe; you may think I’m faking it or lying about my blogs, that’s why I start putting subject headings like my online diary entries because at the end of the day it’s just a story weather it’s real or not. I know the truth otherwise I wouldn’t of published it in the first place. Let me break this down for you so you know how I work and how I do things if you want to become a blogger or a writer.
The burning question of why I blog? This is because I want to be a writer; blogging is another format for me to get myself of the ground, along with the whole base of acknowledging my writing is good and people enjoying my work but also respect me for what I write. Yes I use research and turn into a story or share my views on certain matters of life that means to me. Yes I may share some personal things on my blogs because I believe that people need to understand what people struggling but also to how people can relate to the same things. The fact that I don’t give a too whoots about people who think they are right or they are wrong because at the end of the day they believe what they believe and I believe what I believe at the end of the day. Not everyone is the same as each other otherwise we won’t be able to be controversial at all. The whole world wouldn’t go round if we could even try to make it to.
In life there’s always going to be critics out there; whether it’s Newspapers, media, press, friends, families or even fake friends or just wannabes. You either just have to believe in yourself of not listening to all of the critics who try to take you down because at the end of the day who is right and who is wrong? Your the one who’s going to be right as it’s you who knows what is happening in your life not them, you tell them something and they could just spiral it out of control and put you down no matter what.
Yes it’s horrible and eats you up. At the end of the day you ask yourself do I give up something that you love or continue to push through the pain barriers and stamp out all the negativity that’s coming towards you? Ask yourself those two questions. You don’t have to tell me that’s your choice to tell or not.
To be able to overcome them all is who do you believe your critics or yourself? Someone once told me that you should believe in yourself; take no nonsense of other people because all they want to do is bring you down because they think your better than them and think they are going to loose their power over you. You know something the amount of times I wanted to give up blogging because people come to me and say is it all true and etc because they are concerned or go to someone else and get them involved. That hurts the most; it goes to show how much you can trust people who believe the internet world more than the actual person, and everyone shares their feelings on the internet but for me as a writer and a blogger I use my emotions through the stories that I write because that’s how I know to sell my blogs and stories to people to get them to read it. I don’t actually express my feelings to anyone else when I’m with them unless it’s the most closet friends who actually seen me cry that’s when I talk about things in private.
I like to put this out there when I write blogs I do not have to continually say this is a story or this is a poem or this my actual blog post. I should have the right to be able to express my form of different types writing media in the way that I want to, not having to have people dictating me what I can and can’t do.